I started to write a post on Friday. It’s title was Gah! which is an indication of how I was feeling. I haven’t really recovered from having fun a couple of weekends ago and I’m still a reluctant rester, so as soon as a little spark of energy starts I jump up and decide I feel better. This is a bad thing. I need to cultivate balance, but that has never been my nature. Each bad spell seems to last longer though, so I know I need to change something and try to live in a more measured manner. The problem is it all feels so measured now and I’m not sure how much calmer I can be.
Wobbly health has meant plenty of brain fog so studying has been tricky, even writing this is taking far longer than it should. I can still say I am enjoying it, even if it does take me an hour to read a few lines. I’ve been learning about technique which is something I really enjoy. It’s a bit like being given a new recipe to try out I suppose, one which has new spices that I’ve never used. I’m looking forward to experimenting in my next piece of short fiction, which is bubbling away in my head.
I’ve also had a leap forward with my work for the Hundred House and I finally feel I’m producing decent posts. I spent today taking photographs of a beautiful garden, watching chefs create great food and then tasting it. Not a bad Monday all in all. I use all the research to create blog posts that I hope will entice people to visit. Being back in a working environment is tricky and I find it quite scary but it makes me feel useful, even if it is only a few hours work a week.
All in all my Gah! feeling has waned. This is the danger time in a way, since I’m full of adrenaline having had an encouraging day, I need to be cultivate calmness. Unfortunately I seem to have more in common with an overexcited puppy than is entirely useful. I need more practice I think. Wish me luck.
I understand your danger zone of enthusiasm and adrenaline, having come out of a three monthish bad patch that seemed like it wasn’t going to end, now I’m all twitchy and over alert and paranoid that I’m talking too much. It makes me long for feeling a bit worse so it dampens all of that down a bit, I’d like enough fatigue to give me a comforting familiar mental blanket.
It’s so weird. That feeling of talking too much is huge, I wonder (for me at least) if it’s just that I’m surprised by hearing my own voice. That twitchy feeling is horrible. Along with the voice that whispers how much it’s going to cost once you stop. I’m sending calming thoughts xxx