Tag Archives: #winter

Year three

I’m at the start of my third year of writing “seriously” and my seventh year of having M.E.. I feel less than terrific about both of these things. If I compare to this time last year, when I was merrily writing travel pages, and confidently submitting here, there and everywhere, things feel considerably less buoyant. I feel considerably less buoyant. Sinkable, in fact.

I’m trying to muster positivity, but the bare fact is M.E. is limiting my life. It feels kind of good to say that out loud.And kind of awful. I try to downplay the impact and try to “be positive” but my reality is that I have about four useful hours each day. I frequently go over those, sometimes deliberately, sometimes through guilt, and very occasionally because I’m having too much fun to stop. Then my body makes me. No option. I’m on day five of my post Christmas crash. This year’s festive period was particularly tricky, and I’m not surprised I’m so ill. I’m just sick of being sick. There’s so much I want to do, and so much that needs to be done to try to make things better, lying at home feels both privileged and pathetic.

How to regain hope then? I’m struggling to find the answer. I’ve a nagging feeling that I need to calm down, stop pushing and start enjoying the minutes of wellness that I have. Ha. It’s impossible. I love the ups and downs and adrenaline. Recognising what is important is the hardest thing. Perfection is subjective, and my lens changes every five minutes. Mostly I need to rest, but while body has a way of just “stopping” my mind won’t quit, and I can’t even divert myself by reading or watching a good film. Or a terrible film. Even Gone with the Wind has failed to distract.

I usually end these moany posts with a flash of perkiness, but in all honesty I haven’t got one. I am writing again. I just need to regrow my skin.

Thanks for reading, and any hints and tips are gratefully received x

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Wild (ish) words

My latest publication Maiden Castle features on Words for the Wild    ,a gorgeous site brimming with poetry and short fiction devoted to the magic of the countryside. There are some wonderfully rich pieces of writing on this site, and I’m proud to be featured alongside them.This poem is one of the first I produced as part of Remi Graves’ The Decisive Moment Studio with Poetry School and one that is close to my heart for many reasons.


It’s such an odd feeling publicising publication; it’s necessary because I need to build an audience, but it feels alien to everything I have learned about not being boastful, and that favourite adage of pride coming before a fall. On the other hand, I tell other people to believe in themselves, and encourage them in their achievements, so shouldn’t I practice what I preach ? Who knows what the answer is. Possibly to stop overthinking and enjoy someone liking what I’ve written….

Please pop over to Words for the Wild and have a read. I’d love your feedback. And if you’re a social media type liking, and especially sharing is a great way to support me. Thanks as ever and happy Wednesday x

 

Slow and occasionally steady…

January is over half-way thorough and I feel as though I’ve done nothing, mainly because this last week has been an enforced bed week. These weeks are incredibly dull and always a little worrying. The thought is always at the back of my mind as to whether this push will be the push to far, the one that tips me into never being able to push again. Balance has never been natural to me, and it’s unlikely it ever will. I’m hopeful that my current pattern can sustain me. I’m still hopeful it might go the other way, and that one day I won’t crash. One day.

What of writing though ? I have had an enjoyable copywriting project, based on travel which I always love. The only problem is it makes me want to go to the places I’m writing about; some of them anyway. I’m working on my skills in structured poetry, delving into the world of sonnets and sestinas, which I find fascinating, like completing a jigsaw with words.

I’m also preparing for my next two Poetry School courses, one which is purely feedback, so it’s a chance to untangle some of my work that I’ve been wrestling with for a while; poems that I think have something, but I can’t quite make them work. I’m not precious about my writing and will happily abandon work that is overblown or simply terrible, but there are some pieces that just need a fresh viewpoint. Something as simple as altering a linebreak can make all the difference.

My second course is all about crafting musical poetry. I’m so excited by this one, I’ll be looking at sound,pacing and tempo which I hope will mean I create pieces that are truly ear-pleasing. One of the downsides of working alone is that I rarely read my poetry to others, so I don’t get feedback on how it sounds. I’m hoping this course will help my understanding, and perhaps give me confidence to begin to read in public. Not randomly, you understand, I shan’t start declaiming poetry in my local. Not for a while, anyway.

So, little has happened in January, other than a little physical and mental recovery, but I am hopeful that my work over the next couple of weeks will begin to bear fruit.

Thankyou for reading, please follow, and if you’ve found this through my Facebook page, please like,share and comment so that others will see it.

Time to wrestle with a sestina I think.

Shhh…….

Quiet isn’t it ? I saw my first bulbs peeping through the frosty soil this morning though….so spring will be here and dark December days will be gone again.
It’s almost two years since I began this blog, and whilst it hasn’t always been cheery to write, or read I am so glad I have been candid in my approach. Being honest is hard, and there are plenty of people who will dislike and deride anyone who expresses distasteful emotions.  Thankfully, the few people I know like that have gone off to fix other poor souls, leaving me to write and holler and hope in the way that’s best for me.

I begin 2019 in a place of confidence, which will wobble I know, but I have moved away from negativity and from forcing myself to fit with others. On a personal level, I am freer than I’ve been for a number of years, and as a writer my love of what I do is growing every day. I’ve had news of another piece being published, (details to be kept under wraps for now), and have some exciting projects lined up for the next few months. I’m reading and learning every day, and love the process of creating a piece of work.

My goal for this blog is to grow the audience, and to put more of my work on here, so do keep checking back to see what’s going on.

Finally, as ever, thanks to those who interact whether here or on social media. Yelling to the dark is ok, but it’s much nicer when I get a reply.