*This post talks about therapy. If you find that irritating/bothersome I’ll be doing more writey ones soon
All is quiet. Inside and out. I’m hoping this is a butterfly phase, even a turning into cabbage white would do. At least they fly.
Closest friends know I’ve been having some fairly intense therapy over the last few months. It’s positive, I’m mentally stronger, and undoubtedly this has been the right thing to do. For me as a writer though, I’ve relied on the extremes, the anguish, the fury as a way to propel my words…and now? Well, what? I have to look at all these things as an adult? Lose the childish pain that drove me? It’s a new way of being, and I’m not feeling safe. Which is daft, because I’m safer than I’ve ever been.
I feel a little at sea, and I suppose I’m writing this in the hope that I haven’t lost myself. Maybe it’s like losing loads of weight? Having to buy new clothes and being surprised every time you pass a shop window? Not feeling quite right with your new identity?
I am writing, despite having lost every shred of conviction that there is any value there. I’m also starting to realise that my best stuff isn’t the stuff about trees and the sea – although I like those. It’s the stuff that’s honest and that I feel awkward about. That’s what I read, and that’s what I write best. I just need to muster the guts to let it be read. And perhaps that’s what I’ll find the courage to do.
Like this:
Like Loading...
Related
Published by Kathryn Anna
Kathryn is a writer based in Shropshire. She writes short fiction, flash fiction and poetry. She has no formal education in creative writing but she reads every poetry book she can get her hands on, and enjoys various online writing groups and courses.
Kathryn has M.E., which brings its own challenges to her working practice, and means she has to monitor her activity with great care. Despite the frustration of these limitations she has reached her goal of having work published, thanks to support from Nine Arches Press Dynamo mentoring scheme.
Kathryn has work published or forthcoming in print magazines like Mslexia, Popshot Quarterly and The Dawntreader and online in places like Words for the Wild, Nine Muses Poetry, Sledgehammer and Riggwelter Press. She was longlisted for the 2019 Fish prize for short fiction, and Paper Swans Press single poem prize in 2020.
Kathryn is a columnist for Spelt Magazine, and has recently been awarded a micro bursary from Raven Studios in Shrewsbury to work on a new pamphlet. She also accepts private commissions under the moniker Poems from the Hare.
When her health allows, Kathryn works as a freelance copywriter and can write confidently across a range of subjects, including travel, food, literature, hospitality and customer service. In addition to these core topics, excellent research skills means she can tackle subjects as diverse as muscle cars and dog training. She takes on proofreading and editing work as requested. You can find out more at her business site
https://thewordemporium.wordpress.com/
Kathryn loves language and its persuasive power. Most of all she loves to write.
View all posts by Kathryn Anna
Kathryn Anna Marshall 
I didn’t know about the therapy and I am a big advocate. I hope it’s working for you. Sometimes it can take time and sometimes the benefit only gets seen in hindsight and changed thinking in the future. If you are prepared to share I am absolutely keen to read … people, their behaviour and their thoughts are utterly fascinating to me especially someone as perceptive and emotionally intelligent as you. Your challenges, experiences, therapy and insight I think will make for some really valuable narrative for those of us who care about getting to know you better and for others looking for comfort, understanding and guidance as they struggle with their own stuff.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Claire, that’s very kind.
LikeLike