How to keep going

#Primers, #amwriting, #poetrytuesday

Ah, there is a phrase about being careful what you wish for. The good news is I’m not waiting to see if I’ve made it on to the Primers mentoring programme. The bad news is I haven’t been chosen. I’m sad, of course. No other words really. I’ve consoled myself by looking at the shortlisted candidates, many of whom who have an astonishing body of published work, as well as solid careers in the writing world. I’m in awe of the quality of their work, and a tiny bit embarrassed that I thought I might have a chance. My conclusion? Well there’s only one. I’m just not ready. I’m more ready than I was this time last year, but not ready or good enough. Yet.

That “yet” is the key. I have a slither of belief that I can do this. I’ve never felt like this about anything, at least not enough to keep trying despite the knock-backs. I’m making myself more vulnerable by being so public, but there’s no point seeking plaudits for success if I’m not prepared to share the failures. I’m having a day to lick my wounds, then tomorrow it’s back to it. Planning submissions, competitions and how to continue to develop and learn. One of the best things about this blog is that it is way to track how I’ve changed and developed, and I’m happy that I’m mostly going forward. Or sideways. Whichever direction, at least I’m moving.

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