You know when good things start to happen ? Do you start getting nervous ?
I’m finding
the excitement of the last week is waning, and my old friends worry and inadequacy are creeping in. I haven’t been in a work environment for four years. I haven’t had to meet a deadline, make myself function or (and this is the worst) talk in a worklike way for one thousand, four hundred and sixty days. I’m only just getting used to having a cat. My instinct is to hide, and start listening to the voice that says ‘you’re not good enough’ or ‘they’re just being kind’. This is easier than being bold and continuing to put myself out there. Obviously I’m not going to do this. Years of CBT have left me well trained to fight the negative thoughts, and bolster my determination to do this. It just feels a bit weird. I didn’t really like who I became in a work environment, and I don’t want to slip back in to those ways.
I’m still in limbo regarding my next steps for studying too; I don’t need the course to write, but I do need the discipline, either of a study schedule, or a competition deadline to make me shape my loose ideas into something tangible. I’m a little at sea.
Of course, in the midst of all this excitement, I haven’t made time to do the the very thing that calms and centres me. Write.
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Published by Kathryn Anna
Kathryn is a writer based in Shropshire. She writes short fiction, flash fiction and poetry. She has no formal education in creative writing but she reads every poetry book she can get her hands on, and enjoys various online writing groups and courses.
Kathryn has M.E., which brings its own challenges to her working practice, and means she has to monitor her activity with great care. Despite the frustration of these limitations she has reached her goal of having work published, thanks to support from Nine Arches Press Dynamo mentoring scheme.
Kathryn has work published or forthcoming in print magazines like Mslexia, Popshot Quarterly and The Dawntreader and online in places like Words for the Wild, Nine Muses Poetry, Sledgehammer and Riggwelter Press. She was longlisted for the 2019 Fish prize for short fiction, and Paper Swans Press single poem prize in 2020.
Kathryn is a columnist for Spelt Magazine, and has recently been awarded a micro bursary from Raven Studios in Shrewsbury to work on a new pamphlet. She also accepts private commissions under the moniker Poems from the Hare.
When her health allows, Kathryn works as a freelance copywriter and can write confidently across a range of subjects, including travel, food, literature, hospitality and customer service. In addition to these core topics, excellent research skills means she can tackle subjects as diverse as muscle cars and dog training. She takes on proofreading and editing work as requested. You can find out more at her business site
https://thewordemporium.wordpress.com/
Kathryn loves language and its persuasive power. Most of all she loves to write.
View all posts by Kathryn Anna
You’ll get there. You’re doing brilliantly.
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Thanks Carole, I think I just need to get back in to writing, all the pressure of competitions and assessment is a distraction I think.
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