Stop.
Can I ?
I benefited from an education that equipped me with a profound sense of inadequacy, and absolutely no resilience. I think this is partly why I waited so long to start writing properly. What if this, the one thing I felt I was good at, failed too ? I have a long history of failed hobbies, instruments and ideas. The only things I’m really confident in are cooking, gardening and listening to people. And writing.
Ah, but this week. Two competition results. Not even shortlisted. As my dear voice of reason pointed out ‘it’s probably quite hard to win these, how many entries were there? ‘ I mumbled something about 1,300 other entries and tried not to look acknowledge this entirely reasonable fact. Reason has never been something I have allowed myself to be troubled by.
I want to win one, you see, to prove that the effort is worth it, to prove that people aren’t just being kind when they say they like what I write. I’ll ignore the fact that I only seriously began writing again eighteen months ago. I’ll ignore the fact that it takes years to get noticed, published, applauded. I’ll think about stopping.
And then, I wake up with another idea. With another story I want to tell. With the remnants of a ridiculous dream that might, just might be teased into a tale. And I grow brave, and strong and feel like the little train that could.
I want to win. I also want to write.
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Published by Kathryn Anna
Kathryn is a writer based in Shropshire. She writes short fiction, flash fiction and poetry. She has no formal education in creative writing but she reads every poetry book she can get her hands on, and enjoys various online writing groups and courses.
Kathryn has M.E., which brings its own challenges to her working practice, and means she has to monitor her activity with great care. Despite the frustration of these limitations she has reached her goal of having work published, thanks to support from Nine Arches Press Dynamo mentoring scheme.
Kathryn has work published or forthcoming in print magazines like Mslexia, Popshot Quarterly and The Dawntreader and online in places like Words for the Wild, Nine Muses Poetry, Sledgehammer and Riggwelter Press. She was longlisted for the 2019 Fish prize for short fiction, and Paper Swans Press single poem prize in 2020.
Kathryn is a columnist for Spelt Magazine, and has recently been awarded a micro bursary from Raven Studios in Shrewsbury to work on a new pamphlet. She also accepts private commissions under the moniker Poems from the Hare.
When her health allows, Kathryn works as a freelance copywriter and can write confidently across a range of subjects, including travel, food, literature, hospitality and customer service. In addition to these core topics, excellent research skills means she can tackle subjects as diverse as muscle cars and dog training. She takes on proofreading and editing work as requested. You can find out more at her business site
https://thewordemporium.wordpress.com/
Kathryn loves language and its persuasive power. Most of all she loves to write.
View all posts by Kathryn Anna
Atta girl, Kathrynanna. We all feel the same at some point. one day…one day.
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The fact that you have the urge and a love to write is reason enough to do it. The competitions are just a way of knocking on the door of opportunity. I am sure they are not the sole reason you love to write and should therefore not be the reason to stop doing something you are extremely good at find enjoyment in. I thoroughly enjoy reading your pieces. So, please continue to write and keep knocking on that door. Who knows what opportunities will come your way? Xxxx
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That’s a lot of entries !
Who knows how close you were ? You were 100% closer to winning than all the people who talk about doing things, but never get round to it ..
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It’s horrible, that feeling of never being good enough or not even being noticed – I had it growing up with parents who weren’t interested in ‘me’ and now i regularly invite even MORE rejection by entering competitions – I think there’s a little masochist inside every writer! Onwards… 🙂
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